Do you know when you come to turning points in your life and you choose not to take them because you feel as if something is missing. Or you do not have the right resources to take that course of action and do it to your best ability? Well this was me for most of my life never feeling prepared. I tried so many things to get myself feeling like I could take those paths. Taking first steps before I was ready. Running when I was to tired to even walk. I also tried the accursed phase of faking it till I made it. Yet most of the time I would come of short of the next step. This would either cause me to no longer being able to pursue this path or I would have to take an excessive high effort detour to get back to the step in which I fell short.
I was able to slowly make progress yet there was always a feeling separation from my peers. I never told anyone this. Yet I always had the feeling that I had something missing inside me that most of the other peers had. I never felt I could tell other people this out of fear that they would give me special attention and treat me differently. And I also felt that if I told others that they would see it as me trying to play the victim. Which was a role I only tried to ploy in my mind.
