Letters I Should not Write

Dear Case,

     I know you don't like the decision I made. And I know you thought that being my friend would help change my preferences. I still love you and have that list of your favorite things saved in my phone. My tongue continues to refer to you as my best friend even though you told me the sometimes friends grow apart and I just need to accept it. I'm sorry that you thought it was you that ended the friendship. I hope you travel like we always talked about. By the way, you I told you and Joe were meant to be together. I hope he calls you sweetie for you told me that you have a soft spot for that. I wish you well and want you to know that you will always be special to me.

Dear Coffee Mate,

     Okay you are a bastard. We were to be the best of friends. You told me that I would be a great room mate in college. We would have a wheel for throwing clay on. Talk about how attractive men are. We would write poetry together and go to poetry slams. And then you thought I like you. You ended are friendship in a day. Started telling people that I was bi. And that I was calling you too much. Oh, by the way, I counted. I called you nine times and you called me 21 times and 3 of mine were butt dials. I must thank you for saving my life. That night I almost committed suicide. We were good enough friends that I asked you for help before I ended my life. That night we talked beside a river that ran by your house with incense burning beside us. I will never forget that night and how we talked of hopeful things. When you found out that I didn't like you, you wanted our friendship back. But I didn't want a friend that could just drop what we had in one day.  You gave me a different out look on life one now enjoy. I miss the fun we had together and wish things had been different.

Dear Nelson,

Nelson I'm sorry that I was different. I'm sorry that I asked you why you like my human post. I'm sorry that I never did get that mic in my journal page. I wanted to; it was just really hard to find the right one.  I sorry that I didnt talk to you at the all night party. I was dancing freely that night though. And it made me think that I should have written like nobody was reading. I loved your class and in the beginning. I was involved full force. But at the end I became something to the likes of a tourist. Yet isn't that what you wanted? You gave us a ticket to Paris and made it our decision if it was a round trip ticket or a one way ticket. I stayed. I wanted to see the sights for myself. I got lost in Paris and found that I was writing for her and not me. So I refused her and anyone my words. Sorry I took so long to write this yet you always said the more drafts the better.

Dear Coworker,

I called you my flirting buddy before I knew what you could do too me. It started out with me finding you looking at me for too long. You kept telling me that I was you inspiration. You told me that you liked my voice and that it calmed you. That one night that walked to work just so that you could drive me home it was raining. I point out the lighting and you told me that I was your lighting. I thought you were just being odd for you were straight. I told you that you had nice eyes and you looked at me and told me that mine were beautiful. We reach 300 texts in three days of knowing each other. Ha, and we became snapchat number one besties in a half a day. The fourth day I got a bunch of notifications from twitter that you had favorited half of my tweets. You fell asleep one centimeter beside me when we watched a movie in my basement. The next day I told you I was bi. You told me that you believed in marriage between a man in a woman. Yet for the past three day you have continued to flirt it up with me and now I am just pissed. Yesterday you asked me what you would do without me. I responded with " Live on."

Dear Dallin,

You are messing with my mind and I the same with yours. Its fun most of the time but when you start to flirt with me I dont know what to do. Why did you ask if I was a good kisser when we have already talked about me being a VL? YOU LIKE BOOBS! You tell me this all the time. Please stop giving me that look and all the other shit.

Selfishness

An unworthy tear fell from my eyes. I shouldn't have let it.

I've Gone To Far

I tore the power out of his grasp.
I had his wife help.

I blocked his pain so I would stay stable.
He tried to cut me with his words for doing this.

We used to have a connection.
She now uses me as how not to end up like.

I refuse them my life's story.
They share all then ask for mine.

I have the ability.
My mind won't allow.

He opened up to me then left.
I haven't written him since.

She was my will to strive.
I have only talked to her thrice.

He was the late night phone calls.
I chose to forget my attachments for him.

Her wants were to have the best for me.
The future wasn't a mutual agreement.

I call them my saviors.

They call me parasite.

the confusion inside of me

a maze that has many entrances,

for i they are exits that lead to different possibilities,

for people they are openings to fine the real me,

I wish I could find the real me without their help,